


Grocery shenanigans

by insanityrunsinthe_family



Category: Blue Beetle (Comics), DCU (Animated), DCU (Comics), Impulse (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, I'm not sure what the au setting is in this, M/M, a college au maybe, first fanfic, idk theyre kind of adults, wow first fanfic in years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-11 05:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3315437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanityrunsinthe_family/pseuds/insanityrunsinthe_family
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Jaime meets Bart Allen at the grocery store and recommends cheese whizzies. This is a tragic mistake because now everytime he goes to the store to get some Bart is taking the last one. </p><p>Also Khaji Da is an asshole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do not engage

**Author's Note:**

> thanks BroodyMcButts and Lauren for the beta read.

      It was a Thursday, which meant it was grocery day. Jaime made his way into to supermarket in a loose hoodie and ripped jeans, grabbing a cart and lifting the front to wheels slightly while getting it out of the designated cart-storage area. He made his way through the aisles, checking off his list. Bananas, cucumbers, carrots, potatoes, eggs, and milk. He turned down the chip aisle; it was closer than the coffee and bread, as Khaji Da had informed him. For once He had been pretty quiet, only speaking in reference to their “mission” to “obtain the essential nutrients for Jaime’s survival” and happiness, although he’d never use that word.

     A kid was hovering over the chips he usually got, and as he passed him he decided he’d just get some different ones. The Kid was only a few inches shorter than him, although considerably smaller in build. He almost looked lost, although he looked like he had to be at least 16 or 17. Maybe he’s just never been to a supermarket on his own before? Jaime puts the guy out of his mind and makes his way to the Doritos when he hears a voice _right_ next to him.

     “Hey do you know if these are any good?” the kid next to him asked.

**_[This human is incompetent and unnecessary in the mission. Do not engage]_ **

     Jaime rolled his eyes and glanced over. The boy he had passed in the aisle was smiling sheepishly at him with a large bag of chips. He had dark reddish-brown hair that seemed to have a mind of its own, and surprisingly bright hazel eyes.

     It took a few moments for Jaime to shift his attention to the chips in his hand. Chicken Whizzies. His favorite chips. The kind he kept hidden under his bed so his Hermanita wouldn’t eat all of them and say she hadn’t known they were his. 

     “Yeah those are really good if you like chicken stuff,” he replied calmly, and damn the guy’s eyes lit up.

     “Thank you very much then!”

     He flashed a ridiculous lopsided grin and _oh no he’s cute no Jaime this is definitely not the time to remember you might like guys._ The boy’s eyes seemed to fight being golden and green, and Jaime didn’t realize he’d been staring at them until he watched the boy take about 6 bags of the chips and put them in his cart.

**_[Your focus on this human in unneeded please desist. Also the contents of his cart give evidence that he has a high calorie diet but his BMI shows no signs of obesity. The human must either have a very active lifestyle or a very high metabolism.]_ **

     Jaime turned and grabbed some cool ranch Doritos and made his way to the bread and coffee aisle, reminding himself and Khaji Da that he would probably never see the cute boy in the chip aisle again so there was no reason to be making such observations.

     Boy was he wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfic in a long time, and the first that I've posted. So excuse any mistakes made.


	2. Focus On the Mission at Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You cannot fool Khaji Da, Jaime. He knows you have a crush on the chip boy. Accept your fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Broody and Lauren for the beta read!!  
> \----

                 As much as Jaime hated to admit it, Grocery Day was starting to become a great and terrible day. His routine was the same; every Thursday he would put his list together with Khaji Da and they would go to the store and ignore everyone giving him weird looks for “talking to himself” under his breath. He’d grab what he needed and go through the cashier quickly and make his way home and make a big dinner to celebrate functioning on his own.

                One major part of his habit had now changed; however, and he caught himself looking out for the cute brunet boy he met in the chip aisle. He tried not to think too hard about thinking about it, but Khaji Da never let it go.

**_[You need to focus on the mission at hand.  Do not focus on the boy.]_ **

                “I’m not focusing on him shut up,” Jaime lied, putting his vitamin D milk in the cart. “I was just reminded of him since I was going to get some Chicken Wizzies this week.”

                **_[You were not thinking about junk food before you started thinking about him. There is no logical correlation between the two. You are too emotionally attached to a stranger. Desist or we will be forced to destroy the distraction.]_**

“You are not going to destroy him. Period.”

                Jaime tried to say this quietly, turning into the chip aisle. He kept his head down to make sure that he wouldn’t see anyone staring at the weird Mexican kid talking to himself. When he looked back up he kicked the back of his own foot. Down the aisle, in front of the Chicken Wizzies, was the same boy from before.

                Instead of standing there and staring like an idiot, Jaime was surprisingly able to make his way to where the boy was. He looked up and grinned, waving and put a bag of chips in the cart.

                The last bag of chips.

                **_[The boy is a danger to the mission. We must destroy him.]_**

                Jaime bit his lip to keep from responding out loud to the pest attached to his spine. _‘I am not going to attack him. He got the chips I like big deal I’ll get something else.’_

                “So uhm. You liking those Chicken Wizzies I take it?” Jaime asked, grabbing a bag of Funions next to the empty spot where his favorite chips should have been.

                “Yeah they’re totally crash! My favorite chips ever!” The boy’s eyes lit up and his smile widened even more when he spoke.

_‘God dammit’_

                “Yeah they’re uh. Mine too.”

                “Really? My names Bart.”

                **_[This human gives away his identity too readily. We should destroy him due to his ignorance.]_**

 **** _‘We will not destroy him shut up’_

“Jaime. Nice to meet you like for real.”

                “Yeah real crash see you some other time Jaime!” the boy called pushing his cart, and increasing the distance between them. He had tried to use a Spanish accent when copying his name. He failed at it, but it was admittedly a sweet gesture to at least try to pronounce his name right.

                “Yeah uhm. Real…crash?”

                **_[The human, Bart, is retreating. Attack now and obtain the junk food.]_**

                “I am not going to fight him over chips that’s stupid,” Jaime muttered to himself, making his way to the cashier. “I may be crazy but I’m not stupid.”

                **_[My observations do not come to the same conclusions.]_**

Jaime groaned, rubbing his temple with the tips of his fingers. Khaji Da was not going to let this go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is written and waiting for a beta read, so it should be up before Saturday


	3. Priority Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime vents about his "terrible" situation he's in, and Khaji Da makes it worse.

            It had been a month and a half since Jaime had met Bart. They never saw each other outside of the grocery store. Jaime never seemed to find Bart doing anything besides taking all of the Chicken Wizzies. Last week in fact, Bart had _eleven_ bags of the chips in his cart. Who buys eleven bags of anything? Is he eating them all on his own? Is he hording them? Is he like, feeding a family of seven?? Either way it was a preposterous amount of chips. No one should buy that many chips at once. That was just Jaime’s opinion anyways; what he told himself. What he told Khaji Da, while he put his groceries into his car. “I’m going through withdrawals, Dude. I haven’t had my Chicken Wizzies in over a month,” Jaime said, placing the milk in the trunk.

            **_[The two easiest options would be to destroy the Bart, or change supermarkets.]_**

            “It’s more complicated than that. I can’t kill him”

            **_[That is an incorrect assumption. We are well equipped to annihilate the pathetic human.]_**

            “Fine I’ll rephrase that. I won’t kill him. That would be wrong.”

            **_[It is merely a means to an end.]_**

            “Its murder!”

            The last exclamation echoed slightly throughout the parking lot, followed by a groan from the young man. The parking lot was more or less empty, but he hated that the source of his perceived insanity was strapped to his back. “I am not going to murder someone over something so stupid,” Jaime muttered under his breath.

            **_[This Bart is an annoyance and an inconvenience but you do not wish to destroy him. You are weak. We must go to a different supermarket.]_**

            Jaime got into his car, closing the door behind him. “I can’t just go to a different supermarket. This one is the closest to our house, and I have to pay for my own gas. It’s cheaper than the other one close to us. So it has to be this one.”

**_[It sounds to me that you do not really care about the supermarket.]_ **

            “Excuse me?” Jaime asked, resting his head against the warm rim of his steering wheel. “What is the issue then oh all-knowing artificial intelligence?”

**_[The issue is that you have feelings of affection towards the Bart and are only complaining about the chips because you did not see him while we were obtaining food today.]_ **

            “Feelings of affection?”

**_[“A crush” as you humans would say.]_ **

            Jaime hit his head on the wheel, groaning again. He should argue. He should fight tooth and nail that he does not have a crush on the thin boy with bright hazel eyes and auburn hair. Say that he doesn’t get butterflies whenever he sees him. That Bart’s voice doesn’t put a smile on his face, despite the fact that his taking all of the chips is the most annoying thing on the planet and he should want to punch him in the face. “I really hate you Khaji Da, you know that? I hate you and I wish you could be muted.”

**_[Even if I could be muted I would not let you do it. You have feelings for this human and the priority mission is now for you to court the Bart.]_ **

            Jaime straightens up, almost hitting his head back on his headrest. “WHAT?”

**_[Until you court the Bart your mental capacity will not be at its peak. Either court him or destroy him.]_ **

            Another groan, and Jaime slid the key into the ignition, turning the key and igniting the engine to make his way home. The rest of the night was spent trying to ignore Khaji Da as he read various articles about how to ask a guy on a date.


	4. Probability Algorithm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime finally got his shit together and hes gonna ask the cutie derp out on a stay home date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> intoxicated_manneristics was the beta read on this chapter so everyone thank her!

             Jaime walked into the store with a mission in mind, grabbing a basket instead of a cart this time. This trip was less about food, and more about finding his cute short auburn haired boy and asking if he wanted to have dinner. He passed the produce section of the grocery store and picked out some romaine lettuce for the salad he wanted to make with his chicken parmesan; he hoped that if the guy was eating so many chicken flavored chips, he’d probably like real chicken for dinner. Jaime thought that he could forget about the boy and push him out of his thoughts for good; but he’d been proven very wrong about a week ago.

           Since their last encounter, he’s had a hard time not thinking about him. He’d been flipping through channels the other day and wondered what kind of shows Bart likes--wondered what his favorite movies were. Before he knew it he was trying to guess what movies Bart would know quotes to. He snapped himself out of that daydream and watched The Princess Bride instead.

           Now he had gotten up the courage to carry out his decision, and he was going to ask the boy if he wanted to come over and eat dinner and maybe watch a movie. He was so ready for this; he had been mentally preparing himself for this moment all week. Khaji Da had been preparing him as well, but that was far less necessary information he was being prepared for. He won’t go into the details of the traumatizing events, just wondering if it was possible to put parental blocks on the information the scarab researched.

          He rounded the corner in the market to the chip aisle, and to his relief he had not missed the pretty boy. Bart was bending over to peek at the chips, with his head turned so that his hair hid his smiling face. That helped Jaime keep his momentum, and he made his way to Bart as confidentially but casually as possible. “Hey Bart, long time no see.”

          The boy looked up, and just like that every ounce of courage hatched into nervous butterflies that now tried to fly out of his mouth. “Oh! Hi Jaime.”

          Jaime cleared his throat gently, “So…what are you up to?”

          “I’m getting groceries. That’s what you do in a supermarket, right?”

**_[Your choice in vocabulary was insufficient.]_ **

_‘I realize that Khaji Da, leave me alone.’_ “Well what I mean is do you have anything going on later?”

          Bart’s eyes widened slightly and he stood straight. He wasn’t particularly tall, but the way he looked at Jaime made him feel about 2 feet taller. “Why are you asking?”

          The tone in the boy’s voice had slight overtones of coyness; not enough to sound excited about the question, but enough so that he didn’t sound upset either.

          “Well uh. I was kinda planning on making some chicken parmesan, but I have to make a bigger serving of it and well…I thought to myself, who would want to eat this with me. You were kinda the first person to pop in my head since you seem to like Chicken Wizzies so much and um yeah…”

          “You’re asking me to have dinner with you?”

          “I can uh….put on a movie too if you want."

           It was painfully quiet for a few moments. Bart’s face said he was turning over the pros and cons, deciding whether or not this would be a good idea.

**_[The Bart is taking too long to make a decision. He might have a difficulty in making decisions.]_ **

_‘Or maybe he’s trying to find the best way to let me down gently.’_

**_[Nonsense. This plan is full proof. I did the probability algorithm itself. You will not fail.]_ **

            ‘ _What is the probability then?’_

            **_[There is a 97.84% probability that he will say yes. This is taken not only from the plan itself but from the Bart’s body language. You will not fail this mission.]_**

            “I’m in. So, what exactly is chicken parmesan?” Bart finally said, flashing a smile that could outshine the sun and half of the other stars in the galaxy.

            Jaime took some time registering Bart’s positive reaction, making a giggle bubble out of the smaller boy’s throat.

            “A-awesome okay. Uhm. I can give you my address and phone number and you can meet me around Six o’clock?” God, he really hoped he wasn't seeming too ecstatic and dorky like he thought he might be.

            “That sounds crash!”

            Jaime watched the boy dig into his pocket for a moment, pulling out a phone with a flash cover and smiling as he thrust it  into Jaime’s general direction. “Just put your stuff on that and I’ll meet you at your house later.”

            Jaime nodded and took the phone in his hand, fumbling with it as he typed his phone number and address into the contact. When he went up to the name, it had already been filled in with his name and a little heart emoji. The little text heart was enough to increase the temperature in the room by about ten degrees. “T-thank you I-I can’t wait for later tonight.”

            The boy's smile continued to shine just as brightly as he took his phone back and slipped it into his pocket. “You didn’t answer my earlier question.”

            “Oh yeah uhm. Chicken parmesan is kinda just a dish with seasoned chicken with parmesan cheese baked on top.”

            “Oh cool it sounds really good.”

            The only response Jaime could give was a nod. He was still in shock that his plan had even worked honestly. The shock continued as the cute boy smiled and pushed his cart away. Once he rounded the corner, however, a voice snapped him out of his daze.

            **_[I told you you would succeed in this mission.]_**

            Jaime groaned bug smiled, picking up his basket and putting the last bag of Chicken Wizzies into it.


End file.
